Why I Chose To Live In A Van.

So, I've never been conventional. Ever since I was a tot I would choose to go a different route. Sometimes I have my reasons, other times I just want to see what will happen.

This time though, I had my reasons. After breaking up with my long term boyfriend, I took over our flat. Part for necessity and partially to show myself I could do it alone. In December it was coming to the renewal of my tenancy and I began questioning things (as I do). My boiler was broken, the flat was freezing cold. I never liked it from the day I moved in as it was more my exes decision to move there than mine and most of all, it was too expensive to not be perfect.

I questioned why on earth I was throwing away this much money on rent and utilities every month?! Yes okay, it's the way it works right? It's the 'done' thing. I got to thinking, what if there is another way? I got to researching.

Now, as useful as the internet is, if someone has found a secret way to get rich quick or not pay rent, they don't seem to be too forthcoming with the information. So it took some digging.

Eventually I came across Vanlife. Vanlife is a way of living which is out of the ordinary in a huge way. It is as it sounds, living in a van. The definition of a van is a loose one. Some live in converted transits while others use horseboxes, old buses, motorhomes and caravans.

Considering the largest vehicle I had driven had been a Peugeot 206 and as a single female, I didn't feel comfortable on the road all the time. I had a job to go to every day and I felt like I needed a base. So I bought a caravan. A 1996 Sterling Europa 4 Berth. I called her Esmeralda.




Before having Esmeralda, I'd stayed in a caravan once, in Devon and it sucked. I'd never set one up. It was going to be a few months of trial and error.

My lovely mum, who I owe quite a bit to at this point let me have the caravan in an unused bit of garden and I was lucky enough that the guy selling it delivered it for me. So the day came and there I was, my 16ft home discreetly wedged between the hedge and the shed. Welcome home.

I was lucky enough that Esmeralda wasn't in a state when I got her. She was clean but caravan decor doesn't seem to follow any interior design rules or trends and I am not about that aesthetic. So in the week or so between Christmas and going back to work I had to move out of my flat and restore this relic to a home. Wow.

Before:


After:




If it wasn't for all the help I would never have got it done, but sure enough on the first day of the year I slept in my caravan for the first time. My flat was gone and there was no going back.

In that short space of time we managed to get heating, full electrics hooked up, running water. As well as repainting the entire interior (yes, you can paint inside caravans!), I reupholstered the two couches and bed, recovered the surfaces and made it my home.




My monthly outgoings for living are now just over 100 pounds. I am happy, warm, safe and cosy. It is not for everyone in any sense. There are massive learning curves, struggles and annoyances which some people might not see worth the saving but I do.

By living here I can save for a mortgage, it's a compromise for a massive pay out in the end.

So if you're stuck, facing homelessness, skint, bored, fancy a change, consider it.

Maybelline Superstay Matte Ink Review

Aloha guys!

I am always on the hunt for the perfect liquid lipstick. I have a pretty strict criteria and none have got 100% yet. Either they're too drying, they crack or they fade and don't stay 20 minutes let alone hours.

In Superdrug on Saturday these caught my eye, mainly because the packing is perfect. It's simple yet really cute (looks great on Instagram!) There was a massive range of colours considering it's just a high street lipstick. From pinky nudes right through to vampy purples. I kinda wanted to buy them all just for the packing, they look so cute together.

As this was an impulse buy, I didn't think too much about the formula etc. I've used maybelline superstay products before and found them pretty good so I just went with it. In Superdrug I paid £9.99 and got 20% off with Unidays. Bit of a bargain.

The applicator is a heart shaped wand with a sharper end. This proves to be one of the easiest applicators to use for liquid lipstick as you can line your lips perfectly with the point. Love it.

The formula is amazing, I was so so impressed. For a start it smells pretty good, sweet, delicate and creamy it doesn't smell chemically like some tend to. When I applied it, I was late for work and needed to get out the door so it literally went onto completely bare lips, no exfoliating, priming, nothing. Unbelievably it out-performed so many others I have tried.

It maintained its creamy consistency even when dry, it doesn't dry out completely which is great because it doesn't sit in the cracks. It's matte without being chalky, it doesn't roll off and after several coffee's it has lasted like a champ.

My lips actually feel quite moisturised and it looks freshly applied hours later. I got the shade 05 'Loyalist' which was an almost perfect nude match for my lips.

For £9.99 I am hugely impressed with this liquid lipstick and I am recommending it to everyone. Grab it here at Superdrug before they fly off the shelves!! 

Also, if you are a Uni student looking for great discounts, Unidays is free to use and gives amazing discounts plus they have a really useful app. Get Unidays here.

Finding Motivation to Make Life Easier!

Hi all,

It's been a long time not posting but my god has a lot gone down! I wanted to write this post as maybe tips or inspiration for other people that are finding themselves in a unmotivated place.

I find motivation usually sparks at the most inconvenient of times for me. Usually when I'm in bed and about to fall asleep. Tons of motivation to do housework or exercise or organising will pop into my head at 12.58am with work at 8.30am the next morning. Useful right?

I have found a few little things to do which help you gather speed in terms of motivation and getting things under control a little.

First and foremost in every aspect, I recommend taking things at your own pace. Don't throw too much on yourself at once and feel like a failure when you can't do it all. Instead introduce different tasks here and there so they form part of your routine and you don't feel burdened.

Prepare for your day the night before. Not only does organising yourself in the evening settle the bug of motivation before you sleep but it allows you a calmer morning. So by organising yourself I mean do things like, set out your outfit for the next day, fill up your drinks bottle and put it in the fridge, organise your bag. Even things like straightening the pillows on the sofa and putting the recycling out can make the next day feel more positive.

The end of the work day isn't the end of the day! We are all guilty of thinking, only an hour left, i'm going to relax a bit. By doing this you're putting your brain into wind down mode which is only going to make you feel sluggish for going home. Instead of doing that, have your cheeky little lazy moment at 3 o clock, grab a cup of coffee and look at your phone for a bit. Try to have work to do until the work day ends. This way, you'll be alert and ready to continue when you get home.

After work, do not sit down! When you get in, the worst thing you can do is dump your bag and throw yourself on the sofa. So often I have done this and I end up staying there all night. Not good. Instead try taking your bag straight into the kitchen, empty any rubbish and wash up your lunch box. You may as well do the rest of the washing up while you're there. You might even find yourself putting a wash on or grabbing the hoover out. Awesome.

Finally, in your free time, do something you love. Don't just let your hours merge into one another sat staring at the TV. I've recently rediscovered my passion for reading, three books this month I'll have you know. If I'm not doing that I'll be making things from polymer clay, so much so I've opened my own etsy shop to sell those things! Fill your time with things you enjoy doing and you'll find that time becomes a joy not just boredom.

What little things do you do to motivate yourself? I'd love to hear them in the comments below. xx

10 Reasons Living Alone Is Best.

Ciao Bella,

As some of you may or may not know since January this year I have lived alone. I'd never lived alone before, I moved out with my then boyfriend and prior to that I lived at home. Home sick at even the thought of being away a week.

At the time, knowing I was going to be alone, I was terrified. I didn't want to live alone but I had no choice. Now I've kind of realised, I wouldn't have it any other way. Here are 10 reasons why...

1. Decor.
I'm sure a lot of you guys out there will agree with me, our generation is BIG on decor. Be it from Tumblr, Pinterest, Youtube or other bloggers inspiring us, millennials are interiors obsessed. And honey, I am no different!
I never really got to have my space the way I wanted it, at home I had posters and pushed the limits and drew on my wall (sorry mum) but it was never like the bedrooms I'd dream of like on Nickelodeon! Then when I moved out, I was with someone so it was always shared decisions, for example I wasn't allowed pink! Bitch please!
When my ex did move out, I vowed to myself (and audibly to many others) that I wanted my home to look like the inside of a uterus, undeniable girly!! It's a work in progress but I have to say, thanks to fluffy pink pillows and sheepskins rugs, I'm certainly getting there!

2. You answer to no one!
Okay, your landlord, maybe at a push. And sometimes still your mum. But really, in the grand scheme of things you are in control. You're like Kevin in Home Alone and yes, you can have ice cream for breakfast!! There's no 'What shall we have for dinner?' or 'Do you need to pee before I go in the bath?' Right now, there is no one in my bath (I hope), I'll have what I want for dinner and if that's a salad or a pint of Ben and Jerry's it doesn't matter because it's up to me!

3. Judgement? What judgement?
Be honest, we all have those days where we wanna lay around in our pyjamas, or we snooze for longer than 15 minutes on a work day. There's no one telling you to 'Get up now'. Sometimes I wanna walk around my house smothered in fake tan, rocking a pore strip with a teeth whitening strip on. No longer am I confined to my tiny bathroom for such moments, instead I can frolick about dancing to taylor swift with a glass of wine in tow. Hello? Freedom much?!

4. Bedtime.
That one evening, every couple of weeks when you take the physical and mental effort to put on clean sheets. I don't think I've ever met anyone who enjoys doing it, but I've also never met anyone who doesn't like sliding into them when it's done. It's bliss, we all know it, it's a truth universally acknowledged. Clean sheets are life. Yet, somehow, some way, every time those clean sheets went on, you can bet your bottom dollar that someone (you know who) always slides in before you! At that point onwards, they become simply, sheets. When you live alone my friend, those sheets stay there, crisp and cool just ready for you to leap in and sprawl to your hearts content. My life has literally become a Lenor advert.

5. The snacks.
You know, the snacks? The one's we keep for the most desperate of times. The miniature saviours in our cupboards, our fridges. The one's that give us hope when Auntie Flo comes to call. Yeah, those. They're mine, and do you know what else? I don't have to hide them. They won't go missing, they won't be munched down under the pretence of 'what's mine is yours'. Ooooh no, they stay there and wait for me after a particularly hard day in the office. I plan when I eat them, I get all excited and indulge with my favourite programmes. Yes my friends, those snacks are staying put.

6. Visitors.
NO MORE MOTHER IN LAW! Ahem, sorry, but you get my gist.

7. Cleaning.
There are no gripes about mess anymore, nope, not one. Okay maybe sometimes, with me, in the mirror, questioning myself as to why I can't put things away when I'm done with them like my mum used to. Only sometimes though, I'm pretty well trained. One less person making mess is just one less person to moan about making a mess. How efficient?

8. Duvets, Sofas, Beds, Rooms, SPACE.
I don't have halves anymore, nuh uh, I have wholes. If I want to get into bed of an evening and roll myself up like a dead person in a rug, I can and will do so. I always get to lay on the couch, every room is my room, for my crap! No awkwardness or discomfort or feet on me (eughh). Just me, my couch and I. We've formed quite a bond.

9. Temperature.
For some such reason, hot people win. Always. Never have I been around a hot person when I was cold and won the war to put the heating on. Never. Hot people get windows and doors and fans and air con. Cold people get 'put your jumper/cardigan/coat/socks/wolf spirit fleece/blanket on'. If i'm cold, that heating is on because I pay the bill and one thing I will not be cheap about is being warm enough to be scantily clad in my home at all times. Seriously, ask my neighbours, poor folks.

10. You can be selfish.
Yes, I am an advocate for selfishness (when you're alone anyway). There aren't many opportunities and times in life where you, are your one and only. It ends when you are in a relationship or you have kids. There's always someone above you, or to compromise with but when you live alone you are queen. You do what you want, when you want and you bloody deserve to! Keeping a home, by yourself, in this day and age is a mammoth task. It's often not even viable. But if you are doing it, well done! Be selfish and enjoy this time!

Let me know what you love about living alone in the comments below! I'd love to hear your guilty pleasures! xx

Manchester Terror Attack 22/05/2017. We Stand United.

Isis. An extremist terrorist group, fighting for their Muslim ideals. 

No one should be targeted for their religion. Religion is a choice, possibly made for you at birth or adopted after your own life experiences. 

Those who are religious do not feel it is a choice or an option but see it as a calling. 

In the UK we have rallied to keep muslims safe. To not tar everyone under the same religious umbrella with the same brush. As a member of the United Kingdom I fully agree with this. We should not allow our Muslim community to fear for their own safety. 

The Muslim religion has nothing to do with extremist values. An extremist is defined as 'a person who holds extreme political or religious views, especially one who advocates illegal, violent, or other extreme action.'

A Christian can be an extremist, a Buddhist can be an extremist. Extremist does not mean Muslim. 

Despite our respect towards the Muslim community in our country. Despite us encouraging the safe practise of the same religion that Isis is fighting for, we are still a target. 

Historically the United Kingdom and many western countries are known as Christian countries. This thinking is archaic. We are a multitude of nationalities and races and religions and we should never be targeted for who we are as individuals or who we make up in a community. 

Isis attack vulnerable, innocent lives. Isis attack a nation that is rich in patriotism. Isis are trying to break a country which at its heart is strength and courage. 

Children have no choice, teenagers have no choice. 

This week we have seen the lowest form of cowardice we will see from this terrorist group. To take the lives of innocent young people who haven't even had the opportunity to form their own minds or forge their own ideals is quite frankly pathetic. 

We have armies. Strong, willing, adults who are more than prepared to take on Isis. Instead they choose to attack a group of people who are innocent and unequipped. 

They are scum. They are the scrapings in the barrel of humanity. They are not martyrs. They are a plague on each and every society they touch. 

But equally, they are powerless. 

They are powerless to the hope and courage and community WE possess. WE are the strength, WE are the fighters and the only way we can show their lack of affect is solitude. 

As a nation we must stand together. We will stand with our people regardless of gender, race, orientation, religion, abilities. We are one and we will not let them win. 

My thoughts go out to all those affected by the attacks. My thoughts go to the lives that were lost. My heart goes to the lives of the children that were not lived. My heart goes out to Manchester. 

 

Vape Like A Girl With Vapelista

Hey again!

Another week and another exciting parcel in the post!! This time from a brand new vape company that does things a bit differently. I have been vaping for 3 years now, from the day I got my first vape I put down my last cigarette. I haven't smoked a cigarette since. 

The world of vaping is a strange one though, it can be intimidating, like walking into a tattoo shop. The atmosphere around vaping is one of grunge, edgy kids billowing competitive clouds like hipster steam trains. I'm not really about that. I started vaping for the sheer fact that I wanted to stop smoking.

That's where Vapelista come in. They supply a whole new approach to vaping that is far from intimidating. They take the hassle out of scouring the internet to find a 'pen', you don't have to worry about Ohms or wattage (thank goodness). 

So, Vapelista offer a complete starter package, then a liquid subscription service so continuing is easy as pie. You have the freedom to chop and change your flavours and nicotine strengths on a month to month basis. All of this started at just £19. Which is INSANE.

I was lucky enough to give one of these bad boys a whirl and I must admit, Let's me run through exactly what you can expect.

The Box

There are two package options when you subscribe, you can either get The Starter Kit which includes one liquid (£19.00) or The Personalised Discovery Kit (£29.00) which contains 4 liquids, this is the one I will tell you about.

So, the box comes beautifully packaged, it really does feel super special. Inside you get your instruction booklet, your pen (nicely wrapped in tissue paper), your 4 liquids and your velvet pouch.

The Discovery Kit is great for anyone just starting out to find out which flavour is perfect for you. The flavours are Casablanca (tobacco), Portofino (strawberry), Aspen (menthol) and Edinburgh (black cherry). My personal favourite is menthol, always has been, always will be.

The carry case is a really soft velvet case which is a great idea to include so as not to scratch or dent your pen, it also keeps anything gross getting in the mouthpiece when it's in your handbag.

The Pen

The pen itself shocked me actually. I was super surprised to see it was from a reputable vape brand that I know well and have previously used myself, E Leaf. E Leaf are one of the leading makers of vape pens so you really are getting quality for your money. 

The pen I received is red but you have a choice of colours including red, gold, cyan, black and white. So it's sure to suit every taste! The vape pen is super slimline, just thicker than the old school iPod Nano and really small! It's actually pretty adorable. It has a metal finish and feels pretty hard wearing.

 I'm a bit in love. I usually use a big bulky machine, which, can be quite embarrassing in public but this eradicates that issue entirely.

The pen isn't at all complicated, the instructions to fill it are simple as pie and written so clearly in the booklet. The window of the pen glows red when it needs a charge and then you simply connect it using the supplied USB charger. Awesome.

Inside the pen box you get one coil to start you off and a spare, which should give you plenty of vape time!

The Vaping Itself

The experience I have had with this kit has been nothing but positive. The pen vapes really well and will only begin vaporising when you inhale which means no weird crackling in your handbag when a button is pressed by mistake.

The liquids work beautifully with the pen and create a nice amount of vapour, which in certain circumstances can be discreetly exhaled. The liquids have a really well made flavour, they don't taste like synthetic flavourings like some of the liquids I have tried and don't leave me coughing or with a bad taste in my mouth.

All in all I would highly recommend this vape to every and anyone. Whether you are a seasoned pro or a newbie to vaping, you will really enjoy this kit.

The subsciption aspect takes away the hassle of remembering to buy liquids and the intimidation of going into a vape shop and the kits come with everything you need to get started in minutes! This company, their ideas and their execution is 10/10 for me.

Go on the website now to sign up so you can get your kit when they launch!!

www.vapelista.com

Losing Weight With A Mental Illness

Hey you!

Right so before I start this blog, I would like to prefix it with some things; I am in no way qualified to give weight loss advice, this is what is working for me which is why I am sharing. Only you know whether you need to lose weight, it is about you and your health and I am not promoting unhealthy weight loss. This works for me, with my mental disorder, on my medication, it may be different for you.

Now all that fun stuff is out the way! I have struggled with my weight most of my life but it has fluctuated a lot thanks to different medications and emotions. I have a disorder known as BPD and I take Duloxetine. I am an emotional eater. Mental illness makes it hard enough to lose weight what with the lack of motivation and self worth, add on top of that medication that usually makes you gain weight, it can feel like an impossible task to lose weight but I think i've cracked it!

First and foremost, I have a few tips which I feel have made losing weight a lot easier for me. Don't weigh yourself, when I realised that my worth wasn't defined by a number on a set of scales, I became much happier. I measure my weight loss on how I feel and when I have to go down a dress size. The other piece of golden advice is stop putting pressure on yourself. You are going to have shit days, it's inevitable and if on one of those shit days you want to comfort eat, do it. Try and be good for the rest of the week but don't deprive yourself pleasure. Weight loss is a journey, not a quick fix. It took you however many years to put your weight on and it won't disappear over night. You can allow yourself a pizza in your darkest hour.

My mental illness means I find it very difficult to look after myself. I struggle to have the motivation to cook, or prepare food for myself. It's as if I don't feel deserving enough to be looked after. So with that in mind, I realised I needed to find a way to get the calories in, in a healthy yet easy way. Finding a way of doing that wasn't easy but then I thought about shakes. They're super easy to prepare, quick to wash up, contain a good amount of calories and protein and they are actually pretty filling.

So, I started with Slim Fast, which are great. The only issue I had was that they are pretty pricey and it was getting expensive. Onto the internet for some research and I found that Tesco do their own low calorie shake known as Ultraslim. Having looked at quantities versus price they come out a lot cheaper and they're often on offer. My preferences are Summer Strawberry and Vanilla. As I have a sweet tooth, I tend to add a little bit of sucralose based sweetener to make them perfect. My shaker bottles also come from Poundland, which are great because they have a bottom compartment for keeping powder in, ready to shake with your milk when you want it.

I have a shake for breakfast and one for lunch. Awesome.

Between those shakes, I fill myself up with things like fruit, veg and seeds. Luckily I quite like fruit and again for this I am going to recommend Tesco. They have a huge range of frozen fruit and veg which is awesome for me. I usually buy pomegranate seeds, watermelon balls and edamame beans. Edamame beans are my vice.

So in the morning before work, while I'm drinking my shake, I grab a couple of sandwich bags and stick a handful of watermelon in one and a handful of edamame in another. This way I can eat and 11am ish, then lunch time shake at 1pm and then another snack at 3-4pm before going home and having dinner. Obviously the fruit and veg is frozen so I just keep it out of the fridge to defrost for when I need it.

If it's not defrosted in time, boil a kettle, fill a bowl up with hot water and leave your bag floating in the water for 5 minutes. Hey presto!

Onto dinner. Now as I have said, I am a comfort food fiend and also a creature of habit. So for dinner, I have a microwave jacket potato every night. I usually have it with half a tin of baked beans, a teaspoon of butter and around 70 grams of mild cheddar. I'll sometimes chuck some coleslaw on the side as well. This is so quick and you only have your plate and saucepan to wash up. It's also super comforting and warming.

So far I have lost 3 dress sizes on top an two on the bottom since January. That is including maybe 1 takeout a week. I feel better in myself and have proved to myself it is possible. I will be looking to add exercise into the mix soon but right now I am happy.

I'd love to know what you think and also if you have any weight loss tips, leave them in the comments below. x

Storytime... I got CATFISHED!!!

Hey,

If you could see the state of me right now you'd see that this is all still a bit raw, so bear with me. I might end up doing a video on this. It will probably be easier to explain. Anyway it's probably time for me to explain...

Back in January, I had been single since September but my ex had only just moved out (tenancy agreements blah blah). I will be entirely honest, I'd never lived alone before and I was pretty lonely. So, upon other friends successes on the site I thought I'd give Plenty Of Fish a go. Yes, I do now see the irony!!

So, I was having a couple of conversations and it was okay, nothing to write home about. They have this thing at the top with just random people on it, I don't think there's any consensus as to who pops up. Either way, up popped this guy, he has this massive beaming smile, tattoos and a blue french bulldog on his lap. Of course (thanks to the bloody dog) I fell. I dropped him a message, not knowing whether or not he's respond, I thought he was pretty out of my league. I simply said 'Hey buff ting' by now you know what i'm like (socially awkward) and I thought it was funny. He replied.

We messaged for hours. We had really good chat and he made me laugh a lot. We decided to exchange numbers. From there we spoke on the phone. Every day. He had a great voice and laugh and I really was falling for him. He told me that he was a marine, the dog was called Sam, his ex girlfriend had cheated on him while he was on deployment. He had pictures in uniform and I suppose in my head it all made sense. I did try and video chat but he always said he couldn't get his camera working on his phone (red flag right there, I know). When you like someone that much, you don't want to believe it.

He didn't have any social media and said it was because of being a marine, I knew no different so thought, okay. Around March we decided to meet. He was going to pick me up and we'd go from there on a Saturday. So, Friday evening i'm messaging, no response. Then Saturday morning, i'm calling and messaging etc and still nothing. So, I've been stood up. I spent that Saturday moping about and didn't hear from him again for a week.

When I heard from him again he said that he had been posted to Austria at the last minute and that he didn't take his phone on deployment as it was all pretty hush hush. Obviously, not having any experience with the MOD I thought fine. I didn't see why it couldn't be plausible.

Again we went back to messaging and he told me he was going away for a month in May fishing in France. I said look, it's been nearly half a year now, we have to meet. I asked if he'd see me before May. He said yes. So we're in April and slow and steady the first weekend passes, then the second, then the third. I said next weekend is the last, will you see me. He would always go silent when I mentioned it but eventually said yes. But of course he didn't see me.

All during the 'relationship' I was trying to find out exactly who he was. I've seen catfish before and I'm aware of internet safety etc. I reverse image searched pictures he sent me to no avail. I scoured facebook. I googled and googled. Nothing. I thought it was quite impressive that he had absolutely no internet foot print. I realise now why.

It wasn't until yesterday that the bug of doubt got me again. Niggling. I looked at photos he'd sent me again and saw one with Jimmy Carr and him. I thought well there's more chance of getting hits if it includes Jimmy Carr and why would you take the photo if not to put it on social media. So I looked and it got a result: Webstagram under the hashtag #comedian. Got ya!

The hashtag was far too vast to even contemplate going through but it meant the picture was tagged. Surely it would be tagged Jimmy Carr! I searched it thinking it would be less popular. Damn you Jimmy for your internet fame!! There were thousands and all pretty similar. Problem is, when I put my mind to something, I do it.

I scrolled through 3 years worth of photos until I found it. The guy I was head over heels with, there, on instagram. The image lead me to his brothers page and then finally to him.

The guy I found was legit and not the person I had been speaking to. It was clear. He had a girlfriend, photos of his place, what he ate, where he went, what he wore.

My heart fell into my stomach.

I initially thought the guy I was speaking to was just lying about having a girlfriend and a seperate life so I said, you have half an hour to explain or I will contact your girlfriend (not in a mean way, I was really nice to her, none of this was her fault). So he didn't reply and I messaged the girlfriend. I asked her about her boyfriend, if the numbers matched up, if she'd seem certain photos etc etc. She basically confirmed it, I was being catfished.

I was glad in a sense, that she wasn't being cheated on because that would be awful. But regardless. It hurt.

I questioned him and he tried to lie his way out of it, he told me he loved me etc. In the end (this morning) I've blocked him on everything. He knows about this blog and is probably even reading this. In which case, Hey!

Being catfished hurts. Pure and simple. I feel like someone that I was crazy about has died. I'll never get to speak to that person, as I knew them, ever again. That really hurts, like throwing up kind of pain. I didn't sleep last night with all of it going on.

I am so cynical now about the internet. Not much good in my life has come of it. The issue is that people don't meet 'the old fashioned way' anymore. I don't go anywhere that i'd meet someone, maybe that is just me.

I hate to say this because it's stupid but I honestly hoped this was it. Case in point, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Sorry guys, remember to do your research and keep safe.

Love ya x

Plus Size Problems: Boobs, Breasticles & Fun Bags.

Good day to you.

As a lady a little on the larger side, I won't beat around it I'm chubby AF. I struggle with high street clothing rails on a regular basis. If you see a stylish plus size lady, man, is she a genius! It's a nightmare even thinking about shopping when you're bigger but there are some things that no matter how inclusive they may be, don't make sense to me about the plus size fashion world.

Today we're talking titties, ta ta's and tatty bojangles. We all have 'em, but controlling them is a totally different ball game. I myself am rocking a pair of DD's. Let me be straight, those bad boys are hefty. They go where they want and are not allowed in public unharnessed. 

So, having supplied you with plenty more information than you were hoping for; explain to me, how am I meant to wear this?!

Bearing in mind, that slinky bodysuit goes way past a size 22. I really do appreciate how inclusive the fashion scene is becoming but it would be wonderful if lingerie caught up. There is no way you can wear anything that would give you an ounce of support with that outfit. I mean gaffa tape sure but really?

Also, whether or not I want to wear it, would you really want to be seeing that?! Probably not. With boobs this size and an outfit like that, if I ran for a train I would get directly slapped in the face, numerous times with nipple imprints on my cheeks. I'm sure I'd look great!!

The problem I find is the inclusivity is almost too inclusive (I know, I'm never happy). What I'm saying is, clothes like this become fashionable and it seems like that is all you can bloody buy! I mean sure, for a night out this is a good look but for sitting at my desk opposite my 70 year old accounts lady I don't fully think it's appropriate.

Whether it be strapless, backless, spaghetti or super low cut, I don't feel like I could or should rock it.

The plus size market is still a minefield and I think it will continue for a good few years to come. If it's not super low cut and strappy outfits it's heavy lace, full cup, thick strap bra's that are essentially tit scaffolding.

When it comes to owning them, bigger isn't always better. Someone please invent a solution!!! xx

32 Thoughts everyone has when using Tinder…

Hey Lovely Face,

If you've ever used Tinder you may be well acquainted with the thoughts that run through your head as you less than enthusiastically swipe through old school friends and weirdo's in your local area, if not I may be able to enlighten you. Read on if you dare.

1. So, it’s come to this.
2. C’est la vie, let’s go man shopping.
3. No
4. No
5. No
6. Oh god no!
7. Ooo puppy, but no.
8. Seriously, is there something in the water round here?
9. No
10. Oh hello!
11. Wait, doesn’t like cats? No.
12. Okay, let’s change the search area. Maybe another 2km? Fuck it, let’s make it 37km.
13. Am I willing to drive 37km? HA no. Meh, they’ll have to come to me.
14. Topless pictures are not impressive.
15. Eyes too close together.
16. Which one are you?! I can’t be arsed to work this out, no.
17. Oh here we go ***** he’s a lovely boy - mum. How original?!
18. What would my mum say? Must like slipper socks and naps. About right.
19. Oh great, another Dom with a leather laden photo looking for women to torture. NEXT!
20. Nice smile, seems funny, nice cat! Hey baby!
21. Please match, please match, please match!
22. Screw you.
23. Nope, nope, nope.
24. No bio, ughh I hate that. I’ve never found mutes particularly attractive.
25. People have weird faces.
26. I’m hungry.
27. Oooo someone super liked me! Oh, damn gurl super no.
28. ‘NSA fun’ sounds like an insurance scheme.
29. Casual fun however, sounds like a really slow water slide, where you’re holding a mojito.
30. Picking my clothes up off a stranger's floor at 5am wrapped in the sheet of shame, sounds neither casual, nor fun.
31. Practising satanist? Wonderful! Can’t wait for Christmas with you!
32. Fuck this, I’m becoming celibate. If it’s good enough for the nuns.

Competition Time! 2.5K Celebration!

Hi Lovely!

It's time to celebrate here at HolleeDaze as we've hit 2500 followers on Twitter!! I have 10 MUA Cosmetics Nail Varnishes giveaway to one lucky winner! They're perfect for Spring 2017!!

The colours include: Pistachio Ice Cream, Lavender, Bold Blue, Amaretto Crush, Frozen Yoghurt, Ocean Blue, Posy, Sweet Peach, Whitewash and a Clear Top Coat I personally love the formulas of these nail varnishes and have included white and a top coat for perfect nail art!

In order to win the competition you MUST be a UK resident (sorry, if you're not!) and to enter you have to FOLLOW and RT the pinned tweet on my Twitter page here.

The winner will be picked at random and told via DM in 2 weeks from today (27/03/17).

Good luck everyone! xx

Weight Loss: The Illusive Epiphany

Hey Gurl,

Like many, I once again have found myself taking the first step onto a weight loss journey. Previous 'journeys' have been pretty short to say the least. I mean a few were probably equal to a journey on an escalator. Oops. Regardless I persevere.

Now I'm sure I'm not the only person who has sat watching 'Obese, a year to save my life' (or other such weight loss programme) with a bar of chocolate in one hand and a long list of excuses coming out of my mouth as the chocolate went in. It's so easy to make excuses; 'I can't afford a personal trainer', 'I don't have the time', 'Mmm, but chocolate?'. I do it all the time! I am a human excuse mill and trust me, I can get creative with them.

But! In every bloody programme these people always seem to have this 'turning point' some ethereal happening that turns their brain from fat brain to thin brain. That one thing that kicks them into gear and they 'never look back'. Does this epiphany actually exist?!

I've struggled with my weight from around 11 years old. Up until that point I was a healthy weight. My mum always made sure our diets were balanced and we ate healthily. Unfortunately spending more time at friends' houses, having sleepovers etc led to a change of taste somewhat.

I've been aware of my weight since that age. Which, is sad really. I've almost always hated my body, there's always been something not right and I've struggled with my weight since. Maybe though, I don't hate it enough? What makes that person click and not look back? I can't help but wonder if it's even a thing or whether hindsight has a part to play.

Currently I'm attempting to de-flab but only because it's probably best. There is no part of me that WANTS to choose an apple over a packet of crisps, it's more that I know I should. The only WANT I have is to be thinner, none of the in between. I don't think they'll ever be a part of me that feels more satisfied with a satsuma at the end of a working day over a bowl of chips. Does anyone?!

Losing weight in my opinion is a minefield. It's a corporate fuelled, overly complicated feat that can make you feel like you've failed before you've even begun. I can personally say giving up smoking is easier than losing weight. Weight loss comes with a mass of opinions and studies and products that leads us to either feel hopeless or simply confused.

I have faced a huge amount of challenges in the last few months which is one of the biggest reasons that I am trying to lose weight now. If I have faced them, why can't I face this? I'm not following any certain diet, simply limiting my calorie intake and by no means am I exercising. Going from sluggish junk food fiend to Olympic, clean eating athlete is far too much pressure in one go.

Essentially I'm consuming less, the weight is currently dropping off. In order for me to make sense of weight loss I've had to abandon the idea of 'sense' altogether. I'm not going to follow a complex diet of measurements and points. I'm not going to weigh myself (and haven't). I am my measure.

If we are to measure ourselves on others we will miss our own successes. If we throw ourselves into the lions den of over complicating weight loss, we will be eaten. Fuck it. Maybe I am my epiphany. We are our own epiphanies. It doesn't feel as sparkly as I expected but it is what is is.

After everything that has been thrown at me recently I have come to one realisation; I and only I am responsible for my happiness, my health, my choices, my failures and my successes. If I don't do it, no one is going to do it for me.

What do you think? xx

Tinder trauma; Why hoes are ruining bros.

Yo!

So this isn’t necessarily a story, more of an off hand rant at the sake of the ‘looser’ women among us. Having been single now for 5 or so months, I decided it may be time to dip my toe back into the cesspool of deceit that is ‘men’ (no, really, I’m totally over it.) So in all seriousness, I joined Tinder. Now if you are on the hunt for prince charming, I recommend dusting off those disney VHS tapes and doing your thing because honey, you will NOT find him here.

I can obviously only speak from my own female perspective and god only knows what it’s like for the testosteronies out there.

It’s a minefield of fuckboys, one after the other. Now, I am not arrogant, in the slightest but I get a good few matches (yeah, I was shocked too) but really in percentage terms you’ll maybe get 20% who will actually message. Out of that 20%, at least 70% of them are letting their penises loose with their phones to type all kinds of crass meanderings all willy nilly (see what I did there?).

I feel I need to give some examples to emphasize my point here. Please note I am not endorsing this behaviour and much of it made my skin crawl. “You look like a fun-ghi!”-me (given, worst line ever but if they can’t deal with that opener they can’t deal with me, in enters fuck boy) “Do you want to suck on my mushroom then?” Umm no, no I don’t. I might be naive but I was in no way opening up a conversation about your bellend, you’re making yourself prey to mycophiles with reference books. If your ‘mushroom’ is anything like your respect for women, I’ll leave it thanks, it’s clearly poisonous.

“I’ll pay you £5000 to have sex with a dog and let me watch”. 1. NO 2. A simple hello would have worked so much better 3. By the looks of your pictures, you’ve never seen that kind of money in your life.

“I’d like to see you bounce on my dick” and I’d like to see you alight, in a suit, made of paper.

I honestly don’t know if I am different to all other girls in the world but this doesn’t attract me. Nor does a dick pic, my god guys, your genitals are unattractive. Our genitals are unattractive. What you have in between your legs is not a Monet! It’s an ORGAN. I wouldn’t send you a picture of my lung, don’t send me one of your knob.

I feel like media portrayal of the 20 somethings of today (see: Geordie Shore, Jersey Shore, or any other brain cell damaging faux encapsulation of the young and beautiful) makes us all out to be sex mad, crotch picture snapping, ravaging animals. I know I’m not. Life isn’t an episode of Skins, thank Christ.

The minority of women will fuck it up for the rest of us. That’s how it works, they’ll be the girls that have no shame about their sexcapades, they’ll play up to the vulgar approaches of neanderthal men and send pictures of themselves and they’ll brag about the extent in which they're willing to push the limits of ‘vanilla’. I don’t want to be one of those girls, I’m not one of those girls. It seems like a lot of men are now programmed to think we’re all those girls.

At the end of the day, sex is sex, it’s happened since the beginning of time. Your nan did it (sorry, but she did). There’s nothing you can do that hasn’t been done. It doesn’t make you sexy or impressive, it makes you look like a bike. My withering hopes are that by continuing to act respectful of myself, one day I will find someone who is respectful to me.

Boys; would you say it to your mother?

Girls; would you want your mother to know?

Simply put, I’d rather be a #lady than #relatable.