School, How To Cope With It & My Experiences.
So it's half term in the UK right now, which in itself is awesome but if you're anything like me you'll be counting down the days until you have to go back and dreading it with each passing day.
Look I've been there. I went to a private secondary school and trust me I didn't fit in at all (don't all bloggers say that?!) From year 7 I wanted out, I went about my fears in such a terrible way so I thought I would tell you about it so you can learn from my mistakes.
When I was at school I was ALWAYS ill. My poor mum had to put up with it every morning and looking back I feel awful. In hindsight I now know that the reason I felt ill was because I wasn't enjoying myself and my anxiety towards going to school culminated in stomach cramps and nausea. My school was really small so I didn't really find a group that I fitted in to.
I didn't help myself at all at school, because I felt like an outcast I decided to act like one. I used to put up a tough front like I didn't need anyone and didn't care about anything. When really all I wanted were friends and I was passionate about loads of things.
So there I was closed up like a clam. I was bullied about my weight and my greasy hair (Trying to keep up with the grease was like racing Mo Farrah) and was quite constantly called a lesbian (which I know now isn't at all an insult but at 13 it was!) Instead of brushing off the lesbian tag I told everyone it's because all the boys in the school were ugly, idiots. Well done Hollee, you've alienated yourself from half the school population haha.
Then there were the girls, because it was such a tiny school you knew the name of everyone in your year and would probably have a class with each and every one of them at some point. Now I'm not going to lie to you but some of these girls were nasty, like really spiteful. I could again have brushed it off but I decided to make my thoughts about them known. Cool so now that's like 70% of the school against me.
Eventually I had alienated myself so much that I came to terms with the fact that the damage was done, I had a small group of "friends", 4 other girls, one of which I know was talking about me to the rest of the group behind my back. But it meant I wasn't sitting alone at lunch and had people to talk and listen to but when the bell rang that's where it ended.
See I started school "knowing" I wouldn't like it. I never gave it a chance and I never gave myself a chance in doing that. I should have been nice to everyone, regardless. If people are awful, kill them with kindness. All the bullying should have been brushed off, although I don't think that would have started if I hadn't made myself a target.
One thing I have to say to all the girls, all of you. Don't bitch about each other. There are so many people in the world who would be happy to hurt you, don't hurt each other. You are all going through the exact same thing so why rip the shit out of each other about it?! STICK TOGETHER.
If you're a school hater heed this advice, it will end and you will make it. From day 2 of year 7 I was counting the days until I could leave that place and if you'd asked me on day 2 whether I would make it out alive with a bunch of GCSE's I'd have said no but I made it. And I'll be completely honest, it will end and when it does you won't look back and say they were the best days of your life, you'll be glad it's over and never to be repeated. The real world is pretty cool, I think you'll enjoy it. Just hang in there! xx