Tuesday, 12 January 2016

I tried anti-depressants and I've been left like this!

Hey Gorgeous,

This post is going to take me forever to write and you will soon find out why. I have suffered with mental illness since around the age of 13. I don't mind telling you this as I am an advocate for breaking down the stigma with mental illness.

Due to initially being so young when I started my journey into "curing" mental health I couldn't use any anti-depressants and really I didn't want to. At the time I was extremely stubborn and, well, teenage. I thought "this can't happen to me" and "I'm fine, I don't need tablets" despite getting out of bed everyday being increasingly difficult.

I lived like this for around 7 years, medication free. I tried counselling, it wasn't for me and the illness got increasingly worse and more crippling (this was also due to other circumstances out of my control that I might tell you about one day).

So, what am I going to do? I can't cope at work, I can't cope at home and the only place I feel safe is my bed. Let's explore the options of some tablets.

Long story short from then on I have been on multiple different doses of: Fluoxetine, Citalopram, Sertraline, Venlafaxine and now this new one I can't remember what it is, it begins with M and I can't be bothered to move to find out.

Due to the Venlafaxine, I suffered with Serotonin Syndrome which is essentially a poisoning of a chemical in the tablets. Great. I felt like death, literal death. The doctor then halved my dose so I felt even worse and tapered me off the drug so I could go on this new tablet.

I took the first of the new tablets last night but it clearly hasn't had time to kick in. I have been stuck in bed all day, I'm shaking, I have a fever, I am having full body twitches and my eyes aren't working at the same pace as my brain. I essentially feel drunk without all the fun of getting there.

If any of you are thinking of going in anti-depressants just know it's not as simple and easy as doctors might make out. My journey is still going and right now I feel 100% worse than when I started. It is not a decision to take lightly so please consider all options first.

I also want to thank for you being understanding towards mental illness, it is the same as a broken arm, unfortunately you just can't see it.

Stay strong beautiful and remember another day is another excuse for a new shade of lipstick! xx

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