Tuesday, 7 March 2017

Since I've Been Gone. A little update.

Hey Beautiful!

Long time no see right? I know, I've been awful and the guilt has caught up with me! I am not one to normally write personal posts but i feel the last few months require a little explaining as a lot has gone on.

Let's start with what's changed; I am now happily single after a split in my 7 year relationship, I am now working full time within social media (so bear with me on new posts!), I am living alone and I finally have a diagnosis for my mental health!!

I will start with mental health, let's get that awkward subject out of the way. I have previously written about my mental health on the blog. I've found writing about it helps me make sense of it myself. Since I was 13 I have suffered with mental health issues and for 10 years it was put under the umbrella of 'depression'. About 5 years ago anxiety got thrown into the mix. I had been on all the tablets and seen counsellors etc etc. It wasn't until I was referred to CAMHS in October of last year that I spoke to one person and they immediately diagnosed me with BPD (borderline personality disorder) AKA emotionally unstable personality disorder. It sounds scarier than it is, don't worry!! Knowing that I have something specific has given me so much more hope, I feel a lot less lost and now have certain treatments to work on in order to handle life a bit better. I will never not have BPD but I now know that I can have a life separate from it, which is great. I was always very sceptical in regards to mental health treatment etc but I really do recommend taking any treatment offered because it may just give you your answer.

The split. I was with my ex from the age of 16, we'd grown up together. Whilst learning more about me and my mental disorder, it became apparent to me that we had grown apart. I was living with a roommate not a boyfriend. The break up was amicable and I think he felt the same but was scared to say it so as not to hurt me. At the moment I am glad it happened. At the time I was broken into a million tiny pieces. I'd never really had a breakup before and to split with someone you think you will be spending your dying days with takes so much strength I didn't know I had. I now live alone and had amazing support form my mum around that time, for which I will thank her for eternally. If you are going through something like this, all I can say is; you will cry and it will hurt and you think you will never be okay ever again. You will. One day you'll wake up and it won't hurt as much as yesterday. Give it time.

Living alone and working full time. The thought of living alone used to fill me with an irrational sense of dread. What if someone broke in? What is that noise in the middle of the night? It took some getting used to but now I strut round the place all 'Come at me bro!'. I honestly love living alone, the cats seem pretty happy too. You might be seeing a few more interior based blogs in the future! I am going to make my flat my very own Barbie dream house!! Obviously in order to afford rent in the south of England I had to get a job, so I did and I love where I work. I get to work on social media which I have a passion for and it's a real challenge and project for me. J'adore!

All in all it's been a tough few months but I've learnt that I can not only survive but thrive! Everything happens for a reason and I'm glad i went through all the pain to finally learn that I am a tough little cookie at the end of the day!

You may be seeing a little more of HolleeDaze from here on in :) xx

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